What Real Resilience Looks Like (Beyond Endurance and Silent Suffering)

Exploring the difference between endurance and resilience, nervous system regulation, and the quiet strength of the kaccha ghada (unfired clay pot)

Endurance isn’t resilience. Suffering isn’t strength

And yet, in many first- and second-generation families I work with, resilience is defined exactly that way—measured by how much you can endure, how quietly you can sacrifice, how long you can hold on without breaking. To keep going, no matter the cost, is seen as the highest mark of strength.

The Cultural Lens

That cultural definition of resilience often comes with real costs: burnout, disconnection from ourselves, and even physical illness. When resilience is confused with endless endurance, it leaves little room for rest, repair, or self-compassion.

The Nervous System Lens

From a nervous system perspective, resilience is not about pushing past limits or grinding through pain. It’s about flexibility—the ability to return to balance after stress, to notice when we’re overwhelmed, and to let regulation, rest, and connection bring us back. Real resilience is softer, more responsive, and much more sustainable than constant endurance. This is the foundation of healing, trauma recovery, and nervous system regulation.

The Kaccha Ghada Metaphor

The song Kaccha Ghada by Rahgir captures this beautifully. In Hindi, kaccha ghada means an unfired clay pot—fragile, unfinished, easily breakable. And yet in the song, it stands in the rain. It endures not by hardening, but by remaining alive, tender, and learning.

An Invitation

Not silent suffering. Not unbreakable toughness. But the quiet persistence of the kaccha ghada—unfinished, vulnerable, and still here.

What if resilience in your life didn’t mean pushing harder? What would it look like to soften and return instead?

“Resilience isn’t how much you can suffer—it’s how gently you can return.”